Just the words you used reminded me of one of the times I had to disassociate. I was miscarrying my 1st baby and knew I had to get home, it was snowing really really bad and transport could only take me so far, so I had to walk up a very steep hill, in quite a bit of pain, almost switching off my thoughts to put one foot infront of the other and get home where I could dissolve in my grief and at least be warm, safe, “home”. I know I felt thoughts that my trauma in childhood had prepared me for this moment. I almost expected the miscarriage, good things didn’t happen for me. The week following was brutal. Shaun I think all these traumas are healed as scars and these experiences strengthen our resolve, that’s why people like you and I are open to all the events this past 2 years and before, we won’t shut our eyes and hearts to Gaza, to Sudan, to Congo. We want all people to be free then to thrive. We want greatness for all people collectively, we want everyone to feel what “home” feels like. Duality is almost a hallucination state, we go onto auto pilot, yet we are awake, feeling, living, blood pumping human beings who won’t choose the numb opposite action as a retort to this man made suffering. We strive on, we talk we share we share again, we won’t mourn Anas too long yet we will speak to him and say, brother, find the biggest most lit, beautifully candied pink flowered full cherry blossom tree and sit under it and keep me a seat. I will come find you. I look forward to meeting up with you. Anas and the other Heros of Palestine.
I appreciate you expressing this duality. I often think about my children grown up and realizing wow my mom kept going despite her grief surrounding Gaza and she kept speaking about it and parenting us and living life. It feel sometimes like I’m leading two lives.
Thank you for sharing. May Allah (SWT) raise Anas’ ranks to the highest levels of Jannah and count him and his team amongst the martyrs. This is just sickening. I never even knew much about Anas and yet my heart breaks knowing that he was killed in this senseless genocide.
I feel the exact same way. Sometimes I mentally wander off as I look into my toddlers eyes and wonder how the parents in Gaza feel when they look into their child’s eyes, the worry of “will this be the last time I see my child alive?” “Can I feed my child?” “Will my child see me killed any moment?” it’s hard to focus on all my blessings while others suffer tremendously who do not deserve it. I used to enjoy the trees and the clouds. Now I just think of people in Gaza looking at bombs dropping from the sky. Nothing is enjoyable anymore. Nothing can make me happy anymore. Having compassion is truly a double edged sword. I’m glad I have it because I’m not a zombie like so many people seem to be, but I’m also constantly crying, angry, enraged, and depressed. NONE of this is NORMAL what we are witnessing and what the people of Palestine are enduring.
Take care of yourself Lilly, it has been a besieged two years non stop in Gaza and it’s been so heavy on the hearts of us dedicated to pushing our Governments to change and stop this madness. Be kind to yourself and step back a few days if you need to, recharge and re-up and return refreshed and re-energised! I wrote almost the same as you. Thank God we are not machine men with machine hearts. Thank God for our human traits. ❤️
The effects of this darkness will leave indelible marks on the soul of humanity, painted w the blood of our fellow humans who have been deemed subhuman by the fearful monsters who run our world. The irony is too cruel.
He was indeed. We lost a true human. A courageous man. And a person that was a voice for the voiceless. He was truly a hero. And a true Palestinian. His continued dedication for his ppl is something I am truly inspired about and will never forget.
He kept me strong. And kept me going. The person under fire and that needed ppl to give him strength is whom kept giving me strength. The irony.
He saved the thousands and even the 2 million in Gaza. And he was certainly the one that spread the word about the re-feeding syndrome when I reached out to him. He spread the word and educated ppl of Gaza to ensure their survival. I am indebted to him for being always responsive.
الله يرحمه.
May God bless his soul. And I hope god forgives all of us for failing the Palestinians in Gaza - including him. We lost yet another valuable, strong voice.
My words can't do my appreciation for you and your work justice. Your sacrifice and commitment to bring news of Palestine and the work of those like Anas to our attention is deeply appreciated and necessary. I am so grateful for your work and honored to support it in any way I can.
I will never look away, never turn a blind eye or a deaf ear. It’s as if they are all my family. My cousins, uncles and aunts, grandparents, and especially, my children. I don’t know loss such as this in my personal life but I feel so keenly every human emotion over what’s happening in Gaza. It’s the most powerful reckoning I’ve ever faced head on. Cognitive dissonance seems keenly intellectual and clinical. My feelings are volcanic and tumultuous. I’m enraged. Undone by what I see as complicity by US and therefore the blood is on my hands as well. I want this to change the way everyone sees the world. Thank you for making space for these feelings and for expressing such vital needs for empathy and caring. It is what being human actually means.
Thank you so much for expressing exactly how l've been feeling for 22 months now. Physically present, but mentally in Gaza. Even when the sun is shining, it feels like it's still dark outside. Yesterday, when I saw the news of Anas, it broke me even more.💔💔😭😭
Praying for him and all the courageous journalists who risk their lives to share the truth and give a voice to the voiceless.
I share.your grief about the tragic assassination of this courageous journalist and all of the other journalists who have sacrificed their lives to ensure that the stories and voices of the oppressed are heard. I am also deeply distressed about the inhumanity of a society that does not allow space for grieving. This condition should not be normalized. It can not only have devastating effects on our personal health, but also can lead to violence when people can no longer suppress their grief, rage, and/or sense of betrayal. Our inability to deal with these painful emotions fuels the insensitivity we often exhibit towards each other. We must return to more communal ways of living where we share our child care and household responsibilities, and are able to give each other the space needed to mourn and recover.
Every soul shall taste death and indeed you will all be granted your compensation on the day of resurrection, so whomever is moved away from the fire and entered into Paradise has won (ultimately achieved), this world is nothing but deceptive enjoyment.
Surah AléImran: 185
May the best part of our life be its’ end, and the best of our deeds its’ seal, and the best of our days the day we meet you oh lord of the worlds الله.
I hope sharing my heart here, transparently, connects and resonates with some of you. It's all so awful.
Absolutely. I'm glad someone is talking about that so that I don't feel like I'm the only one experiencing this. Jazaka Allah khairan brother.
Then I'm glad I shared it.
Thank you for sharing your deep grief and love 🙏
It's my honor.
Just the words you used reminded me of one of the times I had to disassociate. I was miscarrying my 1st baby and knew I had to get home, it was snowing really really bad and transport could only take me so far, so I had to walk up a very steep hill, in quite a bit of pain, almost switching off my thoughts to put one foot infront of the other and get home where I could dissolve in my grief and at least be warm, safe, “home”. I know I felt thoughts that my trauma in childhood had prepared me for this moment. I almost expected the miscarriage, good things didn’t happen for me. The week following was brutal. Shaun I think all these traumas are healed as scars and these experiences strengthen our resolve, that’s why people like you and I are open to all the events this past 2 years and before, we won’t shut our eyes and hearts to Gaza, to Sudan, to Congo. We want all people to be free then to thrive. We want greatness for all people collectively, we want everyone to feel what “home” feels like. Duality is almost a hallucination state, we go onto auto pilot, yet we are awake, feeling, living, blood pumping human beings who won’t choose the numb opposite action as a retort to this man made suffering. We strive on, we talk we share we share again, we won’t mourn Anas too long yet we will speak to him and say, brother, find the biggest most lit, beautifully candied pink flowered full cherry blossom tree and sit under it and keep me a seat. I will come find you. I look forward to meeting up with you. Anas and the other Heros of Palestine.
Thank you for sharing your heart here with us, my friend.
I appreciate you expressing this duality. I often think about my children grown up and realizing wow my mom kept going despite her grief surrounding Gaza and she kept speaking about it and parenting us and living life. It feel sometimes like I’m leading two lives.
Thank you for sharing. May Allah (SWT) raise Anas’ ranks to the highest levels of Jannah and count him and his team amongst the martyrs. This is just sickening. I never even knew much about Anas and yet my heart breaks knowing that he was killed in this senseless genocide.
I feel the exact same way. Sometimes I mentally wander off as I look into my toddlers eyes and wonder how the parents in Gaza feel when they look into their child’s eyes, the worry of “will this be the last time I see my child alive?” “Can I feed my child?” “Will my child see me killed any moment?” it’s hard to focus on all my blessings while others suffer tremendously who do not deserve it. I used to enjoy the trees and the clouds. Now I just think of people in Gaza looking at bombs dropping from the sky. Nothing is enjoyable anymore. Nothing can make me happy anymore. Having compassion is truly a double edged sword. I’m glad I have it because I’m not a zombie like so many people seem to be, but I’m also constantly crying, angry, enraged, and depressed. NONE of this is NORMAL what we are witnessing and what the people of Palestine are enduring.
Take care of yourself Lilly, it has been a besieged two years non stop in Gaza and it’s been so heavy on the hearts of us dedicated to pushing our Governments to change and stop this madness. Be kind to yourself and step back a few days if you need to, recharge and re-up and return refreshed and re-energised! I wrote almost the same as you. Thank God we are not machine men with machine hearts. Thank God for our human traits. ❤️
Just knowing other people share the same feelings as I do helps in a way. Thanks for the sweet response.
The effects of this darkness will leave indelible marks on the soul of humanity, painted w the blood of our fellow humans who have been deemed subhuman by the fearful monsters who run our world. The irony is too cruel.
He was indeed. We lost a true human. A courageous man. And a person that was a voice for the voiceless. He was truly a hero. And a true Palestinian. His continued dedication for his ppl is something I am truly inspired about and will never forget.
He kept me strong. And kept me going. The person under fire and that needed ppl to give him strength is whom kept giving me strength. The irony.
He saved the thousands and even the 2 million in Gaza. And he was certainly the one that spread the word about the re-feeding syndrome when I reached out to him. He spread the word and educated ppl of Gaza to ensure their survival. I am indebted to him for being always responsive.
الله يرحمه.
May God bless his soul. And I hope god forgives all of us for failing the Palestinians in Gaza - including him. We lost yet another valuable, strong voice.
My words can't do my appreciation for you and your work justice. Your sacrifice and commitment to bring news of Palestine and the work of those like Anas to our attention is deeply appreciated and necessary. I am so grateful for your work and honored to support it in any way I can.
It's my honor. Truly.
God bless you
Allah bless you and all those seeking peace and justice.
I will never look away, never turn a blind eye or a deaf ear. It’s as if they are all my family. My cousins, uncles and aunts, grandparents, and especially, my children. I don’t know loss such as this in my personal life but I feel so keenly every human emotion over what’s happening in Gaza. It’s the most powerful reckoning I’ve ever faced head on. Cognitive dissonance seems keenly intellectual and clinical. My feelings are volcanic and tumultuous. I’m enraged. Undone by what I see as complicity by US and therefore the blood is on my hands as well. I want this to change the way everyone sees the world. Thank you for making space for these feelings and for expressing such vital needs for empathy and caring. It is what being human actually means.
Barbarism in Israel hurts us all !
You keep going like our beloved prophet Muhammad Pbuh did as he lost his five children one by one…..
Indeed dear sister. Inshallah.
Thank you so much for expressing exactly how l've been feeling for 22 months now. Physically present, but mentally in Gaza. Even when the sun is shining, it feels like it's still dark outside. Yesterday, when I saw the news of Anas, it broke me even more.💔💔😭😭
Praying for him and all the courageous journalists who risk their lives to share the truth and give a voice to the voiceless.
🙏thank you for sharing your heart Shaun🙏a timely reminder so beautifully and lovingly expressed 🙏that I needed to hear this morning … ❤️
"I can't go on. I'll go on."
Samuel Beckett
I'll bet you make the best dinners for your kids!
I share.your grief about the tragic assassination of this courageous journalist and all of the other journalists who have sacrificed their lives to ensure that the stories and voices of the oppressed are heard. I am also deeply distressed about the inhumanity of a society that does not allow space for grieving. This condition should not be normalized. It can not only have devastating effects on our personal health, but also can lead to violence when people can no longer suppress their grief, rage, and/or sense of betrayal. Our inability to deal with these painful emotions fuels the insensitivity we often exhibit towards each other. We must return to more communal ways of living where we share our child care and household responsibilities, and are able to give each other the space needed to mourn and recover.
كُلُّ نَفْسٍ ذَائِقَةُ الْمَوْتِ ۗ وَإِنَّمَا تُوَفَّوْنَ أُجُورَكُمْ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ ۖ فَمَن زُحْزِحَ عَنِ النَّارِ وَأُدْخِلَ الْجَنَّةَ فَقَدْ فَازَ ۗ وَمَا الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا إِلَّا مَتَاعُ الْغُرُورِ (185)
Every soul shall taste death and indeed you will all be granted your compensation on the day of resurrection, so whomever is moved away from the fire and entered into Paradise has won (ultimately achieved), this world is nothing but deceptive enjoyment.
Surah AléImran: 185
May the best part of our life be its’ end, and the best of our deeds its’ seal, and the best of our days the day we meet you oh lord of the worlds الله.