Understanding the pain, grief, and fury of Samaria Rice.
Over the past few weeks, the mother of Tamir Rice, has posted a wide variety of frustrations and grievances on Facebook. I'd like to try to address them here.
Samaria Rice has every right to be angry at the world. On November 22nd of 2014, Cleveland Police Officer Timothy Loehmann shot and killed her 12-year-old baby boy, Tamir, in what could best be described as a drive-by shooting. Loehmann, who had been fired for emotional instability and gross incompetence from another police department before he could even finish basic training, never should’ve hired in Cleveland - where they failed to even check his records. Had they done so, they would’ve learned that his superiors literally said that he should never work in law enforcement again.
The sheer number of people and systems who’ve failed Samaria Rice is so long. The people who failed to check Timothy Loehmann’s background failed her. The man who called 911 on Tamir Rice in spite of knowing that Tamir was a child and believing that he was playing with toys, failed her. The 911 operator who failed to inform police that Tamir was a child and only suspected of playing with toys failed her. Of course, Timothy Loehmann, who shot and killed Tamir with seconds of seeing him, failed her, but so did all of the police who showed up that day, as they mercilessly let Tamir bleed out in agony on the ground without offering him an ounce of comfort or aid. Those same officers then tackled Tamir’s sister and locked her in a police car when she saw what happened to her baby brother.
The city failed Samaria when they literally sent her a bill for the ambulance that arrived on the scene on that horrible day. The local prosecutors who failed to hold police accountable for Tamir’s murder obviously failed Samaria. As did the Attorney General and Governor of Ohio who each refused to use their authority to do anything substantive on the case.
The Obama administration, from President Obama himself to Attorneys General Eric Holder and Loretta Lynch, who all promised countless families impacted by police violence that they would actually do something about their cases, but instead did next to nothing and allowed most of the cases to be passed over to the Trump administration, undoubtedly failed Samaria Rice. Trump, who weirdly pretended to care about justice reform, but also did nothing about a single case of police violence, failed Samaria too.
The list is so damn long. And I’m just getting started, honestly. My own blood is now boiling as I consider how many people and systems failed this woman and her family over and over again. I am angry, and you are probably angry, and we were never even graced with the chance to set foot in the room with Tamir. This woman birthed, raised, and buried him. I don’t think a word exists in the English language for how she must feel right now.
That’s why, when I saw that she was posting on Facebook about her anger with Tamika Mallory after Tamika performed spoken word to close out the Grammys, my first reaction was just sorrow. Then I saw that Samaria had actually been posting for weeks - sometimes mentioning Tamika - but just frustrated in general. Her words were harsh, but again, what the hell do any of us expect from someone who has lost so damn much and been failed by so many people.
On March 7th, after hearing that an organization called the Black Lives Matter Global Network, had raised over $90 million last year, she posted this. To be clear, Tamika Mallory has nothing to do with this organization.
A week later, a day before the Grammys even aired, Samaria posted this, and it makes me wonder if Samaria thinks that Tamika Mallory has anything to do with the Black Lives Matter organization - which she doesn’t. Her organization, Until Freedom, hardly raised a tiny percentage of what Black Lives Matter raised and has been laser-focused on fighting for justice and accountability for Breonna Taylor’s family.
She then posted this next post about the deaths of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor. It must be said that the attorneys that stand with families in these cases don’t actually get to prosecute the police. I wish. If so, we’d win way more often. The most that these attorneys can do is to advocate for the families and help them win civil suits. In the case of George Floyd, the first of many trials is now underway, and some semblance of justice is still possible. The attorneys for the family were at least able to get the family one of the largest financial settlements ever made in a police brutality case.
In the case of Breonna Taylor, the local Democratic District Attorney passed the case over to the police-loving Republican Attorney General - who, as we know, failed to file any charges in the case. This was not a failure of activists - who gave everything they had - including repeated arrests - and so much more - to get justice in this case. Oprah weighed in. Beyonce weighed in. TV specials were aired on the case - and still - nothing. The attorneys for the family were able to get a civil settlement, but the systems that could provide justice have failed this family, like they failed Samaria, over and over again.
After Tamika’s spoken word performance, Samaria posted this frustrated post about Tamika calling her a “clout chaser.” But I know Tamika very well - and this just isn’t true. Her only intention with her performance, which I’ll post below, was to use an important cultural moment to speak truth to power and call out President Joe Biden on his lack of movement on justice issues. It took tremendous guts.
Here is Tamika’s performance…
For me, it gave substance and seriousness to the entire show, but then again, I know Tamika very well. She’s as serious and substantive as one person could be. She’s not in this for fame. And she didn’t invite herself onto the show, but was recruited and invited there - and chose to use the moment the best she could. I thought she nailed it. Had Tamika chosen, instead, to break it down in a dance with Cardi B and Meg the Stallion, which she should still be allowed to do honestly, then I’d understand the criticism, but that’s not what happened. Tamika used a serious moment to deliver a fierce and serious message.
But for Samaria, it just wasn’t enough. And how could it be?
I’m glad that Tamika has fought her heart out for Breonna Taylor and refuses to let Breonna’s name or story disappear. I’m also glad that she accepted the chance to perform at the Grammys and used it as a very serious moment to say serious shit.
But mostly, my heart just breaks for Samaria Rice - whose pain, anger, grief, and fury we must try to understand. Over the past 10 years, I’m sad to say that I’ve worked with hundreds of Black mothers whose sons were murdered by American police. And I’ve walked with those mothers through many stages of grief - including a place of frustration and disillusionment where many of them ultimately find themselves. There, they struggle to trust anyone because they’ve been failed by everyone.
I spoke to Tamika last night. She’s never met Samaria but has a son that is just about Tamir’s age and has always grieved, publicly and privately, for the unspeakable loss Samaria has faced. Nearly 20 years ago, Tamika tragically lost her son’s father to a senseless act of gun violence that could’ve also easily derailed Tamika’s life if she let it. For the past 20 years, she’s given her whole life to fighting for our people in every way she knows how.
Ultimately, what I know is that a grieving mother like Samaria Rice has every right to be skeptical and hurt and suspicious and cynical. She wasn’t born that way, but this evil and unrelentingly racist country forced her into that corner. It’s our job to gracefully and patiently help her find her way out.
Samaria Rice has had to live with the pain and trauma of her 12-year-old being taken away from her for the past [almost] seven years and has undoubtedly cycled through the stages of grief multiple times. I think that a large degree of the animus she is displaying towards folks like Tamika, Lee and Ben is based around them being targets that she feels her angst can reach and potentially have an impact. That doesn't make it fair for them, but it does highlight the pain and frustration of a grieving mother who is unable to hold the system accountable for her child's death and is now seeing what she perceives as other folks being the beneficiary of her loss and the loss of others. It's an incredibly delicate situation.
Hey North Star members - feel free to join me in the comments here if you have any thoughts or questions.